Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
