if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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