Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
