youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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