I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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