I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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