why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
