i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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