I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Who died my cat blue again?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
