i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
