ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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