I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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