Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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