A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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