and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize