you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
