"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
