whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think i have two assholes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
