a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
