it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
