You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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