Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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