you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
