So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
FUCK WHALES
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
