I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
