you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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