Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
