thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The beer is more important than you right now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
