I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
two words...techno handjob
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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