is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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