apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I believe in your delicious
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
