I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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