I'm gonna have a badass scar
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
