If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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