i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
