Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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