why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
