as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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