Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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