Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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