Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
