This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
