i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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