So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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