I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
