she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
