I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
