gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
