The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
