We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
