How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
