I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
