Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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