Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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