are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
