Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
