Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
