On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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