Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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