i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There are leaves in my underwear?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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