I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
