Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
