Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
