You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
