Yo dont text me then not text me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize