i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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