Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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