i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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