College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
