I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
