I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
