You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
