Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
