the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
