I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
