Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
