why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
